A few months before the COVID-19 outbreak, I lost my full-time job. It seemed to be a good season of rest after almost seven years in the company. It was the perfect time to move on and explore other possibilities. 

Sometime in February, I found myself quite overwhelmed with the anxiety of looking for work. I thought that if I pull myself up, be open to new roles and just try harder, I could land a job in no time. My prayer was very consistent too, so with my good old effort and God’s provision, I’d be alright.

Several applications and interviews later, nothing happened. If anything, the situation got worse: our atelier had to temporarily close due to the imposed restrictions. I was more stressed than ever. 

I’d say optimism is one of my greatest strengths. I’ve engaged in positive self-talk and have exerted a great deal of energy to keep myself busy.  In the hustle and bustle of being a wife, I’ve embraced my domestic duties. But something was not quite right: while I had learned to love and serve my husband better, I knew I wanted nothing more but to gain my independence back (i.e., earn an income). 

I’m grateful that my husband has remarkably done a good job providing for us, but I can’t seem to shake my desire to do something for myself. You see, I’ve always worked and have enjoyed a fulfilling career. Now, I’m completely outside my comfort zone; and in this new space, I’ve somewhat lost my sense of purpose. I still kept hustling and after one very emotional moment (a good cry) with my husband, I realised that I was in pain. Within the depths of my soul, I was grieving for the loss of my so-called independence, together with my sense of security and control. 

Little did I know that God was breaking my self-sufficiency! He was more concerned about building my character than responding to my need for comfort. My loving Father humbled me through this whole process and reminded me that my dependence should rest on Him alone.

Here I am almost a year later, reflecting on how challenging this time has been – but with it came a beautiful act of complete surrender. I stopped striving and started trusting Him more. I’ve discovered that the purpose I seemed to have lost was in this journey itself to have the courage to write and share my personal story. I know that I’m not alone; there are countless of women (even men) who are overwhelmed and discouraged especially now with what we see all around us. 

If you are unsure of your purpose or anxious about your future, know that you have hope.  Scripture says that God knows His plan for each of us. They’re for good and not for harm. He has given us a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11). You can hold on to hope that is in Jesus, because no fears for today or worries for tomorrow can separate us from His love. It was His love that saved me! This truth has not just refreshed my faith but has given me the very thing – or should I say, the Person – I needed during this difficult season. Spending time with God and His Word has helped me persevere while I expectantly wait for my prayers to be answered. 

It’s through this unwavering hope that I can truly rest and allow Him to carry me to the future He has perfectly planned.

Whatever circumstance you’re in, God sees, hears, and loves you. He’s got your hand as you courageously walk in this season. I’ll be praying with you and cheer you on as you come out on the other side.

Much love,

Marga